GETTING LUCKY IN PREGNANCY

By Kaz Hiroe
Squamish Birth Doula

Some people unfortunately associate pregnancy with being uncomfortable, feeling unappealing, or putting a damper on their sex lives. Written here, is just a taste of thrilling, delightful and surprising experiences many couples can look forward to while pregnant.

Some pregnant women feel more sexually driven during pregnancy than any other time in their lives. So much, in fact, they can hardly think of anything else. They have 9 months of carefree sex with contraceptives out of mind, or without having the stress or pressure of becoming pregnant. Couples can enjoy, explore, and embrace the ever-changing stages of pregnancy, with promises of never getting bored.

Around the fourth month, most women's genitals will swell, deepen in color, and increase in sensitivity. The swelling can lead to a full-time lubrication, a snugger feeling during intercourse, and increase the intensity of a women's orgasm. These lucky women should take full advantage of their new state, and enjoy the ride.

Women, who have stated that they have never had an orgasmic sex dream before or after pregnancy, often talk about frequent and re-occurring erotic dreams with intense orgasms during. This may be due to changes in hormones, higher level of oxytocin produced, and the increased engorgement in the abdomen. No complaints there.

Breasts are also forever changing during pregnancy. Couples are often amazed at the new set of toys they have acquired in their sex play. Make sure you discuss with your partner what feels good today, as chances are it is not the same as what felt good yesterday. Men often go crazy for these new larger, firmer breasts. It is important to let the man know what he can and cannot do with them.

In the last trimester of pregnancy, certain positions during intercourse will be uncomfortable. Be adventurous, and try new ways of making love, and bring your good sense of humor into the bedroom. Sex toys are especially fun, and helpful when that belly feels like it can't possibly get any bigger. In low risk pregnancies, sex is a safe and encouraged, and it brings many advantages and benefits in preparing for childbirth.

Most importantly, couples need to talk, talk, talk to their partner about how they are sexually feeling throughout the nine months adventure. In doing that, couples are sure to have a delightful experience. Enjoy.

WE'RE FAMOUS!

Being a shop in a small town that doesn't usually get to interact with larger publications, and news sources we were really excited this week to be interviewed by the fine folks at Greenmuze.com for an interview concerning phthalates in sex toys. If you have a chance check this e-zine out. It's full of fantastic pieces that are updated daily, and we found ourselves taking way too many time outs from work to peruse some of the great articles riddled throughout.

MULTIPLE ORGASMS (the female perspective)

Multiple orgasms will sometimes occur in women during their sexual response cycle as a result of their energy not tailing off fully into the resolution (or rest) phase. Rather, they'll instead go through a very short refractory period. Some women who experience multiples will find the second and third to be progressively stronger, while others report that the intensity will lessen after successive orgasms. Multiples tend to be more common in women than men due to physiological differences in the way the blood flows in and out of the male and female genitalia.

To begin with, a lot of women are quite happy and very satisfied with just one orgasm, and not every woman will want to or enjoy having more than one. They may find that their nipples and 'clit' are way too sensitive after an orgasm to proceed any further, which is a 'normal' response. If you've never had a multiple orgasm and are interested in experimenting, this is a physical description of some basic tantric practices. After the initial orgasm, continue by using a lighter touch than previously, and start to work on short, deep breaths. While you're doing this start doing pelvic tilts in the same time as your breath, lifting the hips on the exhale, and bringing them back down on the inhale. This will build up your sexual energy again. By building this energy, it may give way to a secondary orgasm. If it doesn't happen, don't be discouraged - there could be a number of factors at play. Simply enjoy the practice and come back to it again when you feel ready. If you're keen to learn a little bit more about tantric practices there is a good chapter in The Big O that delves into the topic a little bit more deeply.

Let's Talk About Sex!

Running the shop, I always find it entertaining seeing how different people react to talking about things of a sexual nature. It's amazing how broad the spectrum is. Sometimes you get the introvert, sometimes the extrovert, but most the time it lies somewhere in between. One of the cutest is seeing people wander in totally unassuming and not realizing where they are until they're fully in the store and then making a very brisk move from whence they came not even returning a friendly hello or a simple smile.

This reaction most likely relates to a psychological theory called sexual armouring, which was originally put forth by Dr. Wilhelm Reich in the 1930's. The idea stems from a thought that through past traumatic experiences (be they mild or extreme) the body and mind store these events, which over time develop into blockages where energy has trouble flowing to. Our pelvic areas are great examples of this. From childhood on, this area has gotten countless amounts of people in trouble one way or another and as a result, our capacity for sexual pleasure or enjoyment of full orgasmic release has been inhibited. Reich also believed that our inability to express sexuality causes rage, which must also be repressed, and then sex becomes in his words "mechanical and brutal".

The first step in dealing with sexual armouring is to accept the fact that as adults that have been raised in western society we all, to some extent, have some of this ingrained within us. Once we realize the issue we can start talking about it, and herein lies the crux. For some people, sex is a very tricky topic to discuss, whether openly or in private. There is a feeling of exposure when we talk about it, yet it's the one thing we all have in common.

Working at the shop, I've found that treading lightly around the conversation keeps people's sensitivities and emotions intact, and being comfortable in our own sexuality makes talking about sex that much easier. The trick sometimes is in becoming comfortable with ourselves, which inevitably leads to being comfortable with our partners. How we become comfortable is probably as varied as each individual. One practice that we can all use to help us over some armouring issues is when in doubt, breath and reflect, and if it's still uncomfortable, cease and desist and come back to it at a later date. That practice doesn't just live in the realm of the physical, but can also be applied to both emotional and mental situations as well since they're all interconnected.

I hope that helps to shed a little light on what makes up some of our attitudes towards sex. It's definitely not the whole answer, but it's a beginning in recognizing how the mind affects the body and vice versa.

Celebrate The Small Things

Intimacy can take many forms, from a look, to a touch, to a caress, to mind shuddering orgasms. It's the small stuff however that is the start of it all. Who doesn't remember that feeling of butterflies when you nervously held that special someone's hand on the school bus for the first time? You know the feeling; that flush of anticipation when your heart beat a little faster, your eyes got a little bigger and you weren't sure quite what to say. It's those feelings exactly that initiate the sexual cycle, and the more familiar you become with them it seems the easier it is to take them lightly. This is especially true of men who by nature move through the arousal stage at a greater speed. As practice take the time to focus on these smaller things and really appreciate your partner. You may feel a little vulnerable, even a little uncomfortable but really try to embrace that emotion, and you may surprise yourself at how much more you open up as a person, a lover, and a friend.